Love is everything, everything part 3

Always be my maybe.

 The day I was dreading is finally here. So many emotions at the same time.. I want to cancel our date, tell him that I won't make it because of an emergency at work. But this wont help at all. Running away from my problems won't fix it at all. 

We finally meet up and wow, everything is so awkward. Feels like a complete stranger is sitting in front of me. "so..." We both utter, and he then tells me to go first, I took a deep breath and ask how he has been doing. Our conversations were filled with so much awkward silence more than actual words. I'm sitting here, looking at him and I can feel that our love isn't as flattering and strong as it was. He than asks me whether we could go to a more private place, I suggested that we go to my place.

I offered him a drink. He started explaining the whys and the how's. I was disgusted by every word that came out of his mouth. I wanted to shout and scream at him. But that won't help, I thought to myself, but before I knew it the shouting and screaming started. He just sat there and did nothing didn't react at all, I asked him why he is just sitting there, "I still have a lot of respect for you even after everything we've been through" he replied. Ellipsis filled the room, again. I wanted to cry, I tried, but I couldn't, and it was then that I realized that it wasn't just the cheating scandal, it wasn't the fist time he did this. But that wasn't it. I had realized that with all the fights, one sided communication and a lot of miscommunication and everything in between 

We've drifted apart, I still care for him, he does too. But everything has changed. Until the both of us are honest, honest about what we want and be transparent with each other, regardless of how it will hurt us, nothing will change. 

We sat there for about an hour, without saying a word. He stood up and walked towards me, kneeled before me, asked me to look him in the eye, and told me that he still loves me so much and cares immensely for me, I could see that all of this is coming from a genuine place. He then tells me that he regrets what he did, he was deceived and his flesh was weak and gave into it. "I'm not telling you all this to sugarcoat or validate what I did, in fact I don't even deserve to be this close to you, but the truth is I did what I did, and there's no turning back" he takes a deep breath and continue where he left off "nothing will ever change and will never be the same. I didn't realize how much I hurt you until now. I am so sorry." I swear I wanted to hear him say that we can will work this through and that everything will be okay. But that is only what I wanted to hear, the reality of this is that the damage has been made and  it shattered, we can't fix it even if we wanted to. 

We ended things on good terms. We finally decided to break up, no one was angry or said things they were not suppose to.

And I am honest when I say that I am content, it won't be easy but I have peace, he does too. We are still friends, because ey, we are still colleagues after all. And we are mature enough to put drama aside and be professional and be friends as well. He decided to seek help, and now he is seeing a psychologist, and he tells me that he wants his next to be his wife, and also that I made him to seek help and change. I am so proud of him

I loved this man so much, no doubt, but I also loved him so much to let him go. I wasn't about to hold onto something that was broken already, and also he might be someone else' husband, lol.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it has lost its value because people trade love for lust! I wish him only the best, and that he will find the love of his life. Always consider other peoples feelings lovies, you never know how much you hurt others until it catches up to you. Do not take anyone's feelings for granted because just as you serve a living God or gods, so does that person.

the END.